My Lullaby

 

Who will I be when I get free? Can no one see me? I walk, wander through my life. Using substance to escape the strife- That came from my choice. When I forgot I had a voice. And all that came hence- Now called my existence

Who will I be when I get free? I don’t want you to help me. The ‘me’ that was, is lost. The me that is, is lost. What part of me am I? I don’t know- when I fly. But I like to fly. I like to feel so high.

But when I fall... I fall-landing in a stall. No one there but me -Even if me is plenty. I find someone fun. With him I like to run. He will take me flying, But I hide tears I’m crying.

So I fly to escape it- Going higher, just a bit. Using substance to escape the strife, The fearful strife now my life. …Who will I be when I get free? He does not see me. Who truly am I? ...That was my lullaby.

I land in my stall. Higher I go- farther I must fall. (But I like to fly!) ...Even if two years have now gone by.

I kill a life- new life. I fly to escape that guilt and strife. My heart is freshly tearing. Just look at what I’m wearing! This is not me! Not who I want to be! But who am I? …That was my lullaby.

Who will I be when I get free? No one loves me. And who am I? ...My lullaby. So I fly... I fly so high I am the sky! ...But as I fall... I fall back to my same stall. The four walls, my stall, (But I like to fly!) No matter the three years now gone by

The strife -My life. I fly -So high

But now I am falling again. I am back to my begin.  I am not me. Even if me is of plenty. Who will I be when I get free? Who is this person I now see? And who am I? ...My lullaby.

The sky is too far up. So now I use a cup. I fill it full. I feel its pull. I do not want to fly now. The sky is just too high now. (I like to float.) No matter I can’t afford a coat. But when I float... I am pulled from my boat. I am pulled, so far, far down. Then I drown.

I am alone. No place to call home. If I fly- fall to a stall. If I float- drown too deep to call.  There is no strife. I have no life. I want to die. Ending my silent cry. The cry I cry. Watching the year crawl by. I do not fly- no longer float.

(Now I smoke!) The peace I get... Making it easy to forget, When I floated and flew But it is over- now I knew -I knew all I’d done. What once seen as fun.

My silent cry, my silence. Nothing makes the difference. So I smoke. After a while I choke. If I fly- fall into my stall. If I float- sink too deep to call. I cry at the five years now gone by.

Who will I be when I get free? Who is me, where is she? Who am I? That was my lullaby. I fall, drown, and choke -Not to mention I’m broke. No friends, no cash Nothing that will last

I am alone. I cry. No one is allowed to hear my cry. Avoiding the eyes of passers by. They don’t want to see me cry. It is dark now... Can’t cry- not allowed. I cannot fly- no money for coke. Or float or smoke...

She is different. Why does she look bent? Oh, I can see. That poor girl is me. Who am I? Who can now see me? ...To hear my cry? That was my lullaby.

I don’t want to fly, float, or smoke. No coke, cups, and I don’t want to choke. I want help. I need help. But who can hear my cry? I am tired of my lullaby. But who will hear? I don’t let anyone near...

Who will I be once free? I want to see a new me. Someone to hear me cry To change my lullaby. But I can’t do it, so I ask. “You don’t want your flask?” ...But even they can’t help me. Sometimes I agree that I am crazy.

But I know I can get free! ...If someone would just see me. So I listen to my same lullaby, Hating the six years gone by

Who will ever see me and how? “Child, I can see you now” -I know what I heard- No matter how absurd! No one else could hear me cry. No one else could stop my lullaby. I had to ask for needed aid. He let me know my debt is paid! He heard me cry that night & Seen my whole plight!

I read. I plead. I see... I see me. I am HE. He loves me. I am not alone. He is my home. I fly with Him. I drown in Him. Choking on His air . Reminded He is there. He knows ‘who am I’ …That is my new lullaby.

Who will I be when I get free? Depends... I am free from me. In Him I’m alive, For Him I strive. He is my new high. With Him I love to fly.

This is BLISS! Hello, my name is...

  …There is always hope for new life. But you don’t have to wait until all is lost to hear His voice. Seek Him now, with all your heart, to end your own lullaby, before you can be consumed by your past choices. It’s never too late. You’re never so far gone from Christ that you can’t run home. Take up responsibility for your lullaby, and give it to Him to be changed.